April 23, 2012

Where Do I Go from Here?

         I know I haven't written in a long time.  Complications with this horrible thing bring on a lack of creative dinner ideas as well as a lack of positive blog topic thoughts.  I've just completed the dreaded, often annual event that most of us celiacs have to deal with...the colonoscopy/endoscopy.  It was just a check up, but anyone who has had one will tell you that that doesn't make it any better. 
         Sweet Caroline, my big sister, came up from Nashville to drive me to and from Durham.  She was a great nurse, but her favorite part was recalling all of the crazy things I did afterwards while I was zonked out:  persistently asking the doctor what kind of alcohol I should be drinking, undeterred by the fact that he had already answered me three times; angrily correcting people who thought Caroline was significantly younger than I am; glaring at the sweet but naive nurse who apparently told me, "It's all over!  Now you can go get a biscuit!"  No, I can't, honey.
         Maybe it's all the lack of food or sleep, but I've been thinking about what comes next -- life-wise.  I'm getting much better, which is unbelievably wonderful, but what do I do with my life now that I'm "healthy"?  I've been moderately unhealthy for many years now.  I'm not sure I know how to turn all of that around.  The real scare is what career path am I going to jump on now.  Of course well meaning family and friends keep asking me this, but the real pressure is coming from inside my own head.  I've always been a dedicated student with a very clear path that I wanted to follow, and when I was diagnosed all of that disappeared.  But while I was still sick/recovering people were very understanding--she just got some really bad news and needs this time to get well.  But now that I'm well... Where do I go from here?